I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
