This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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