Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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