So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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