We got so high we made milksteak
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
