So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
