I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
