We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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