I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
