Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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