I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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