Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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