You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize