How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
