Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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