Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
