i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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