It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
