Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thus making me awesome and them whores
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
