I'm really into asian looking animals
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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