How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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