bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
