It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
