I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
