Whod you bang
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
