ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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