but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
