Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
