tell your sister to shave her snatch
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
cat food counts as protein by the way
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
God, I missed his penis.
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