haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
