GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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