I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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