I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
