OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
