You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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