you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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