At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
