You smell like stripper and shame
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize