have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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