Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
