Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
