So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
