If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
