would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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