Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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