The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My dick has a subreddit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
