you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never underestimate the power of titties
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
