apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
