I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
