Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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