screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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