After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Found your dick twin last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
