Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have aggressive nipples.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
