youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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