I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
