Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS