we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed