Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole