This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!