How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.