I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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