I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
