I wish I only lived at night.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
