so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
