I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
