pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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